In 2003 I was diagnosed with blood cancer. I found out that the relics of St. Matrona are in Moscow. I started going there, I was waiting in the long queues, and I started feeling better, both in terms of health and soul. I accidentally went to the podvorje of the Valaam monastery in Moscow and listened with great pleasure to all the church songs. I liked that so much that I started going to podvorje for every single service. Everything was normal, and then something happened and I stopped going to church that often. My health has gone bad again, in the evening I have thoughts about going to church in the morning, but I wake up in the morning without any will to do this. I became really grumpy and I shout quite a lot. I have not lost my faith in God, I believe in Him with my whole heart, but there is an obstacle between me and church. Maybe the time has come to die. Could you please tell me what I should do?
It is bad if you do not go to church. That obstacle is not put by the Lord, but by the enemy of your salvation. He wants to destroy you and this is the reason why he is trying in many ways to separate you from the source of your salvation, and you listen to him. Try to force yourself, to make an effort, do not leave the church and you will see – you will benefit from that.
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