What is the purpose of dividing a church into upper and lower? Why isn't there a lower one in all the churches?

The lower one is for winter and it's warmer whereas the upper one is for summer, not heated, and it's much bigger and brighter.

A miracle has happened in the last year: we have become a true church family. We regularly go to church and commune every Sunday and feast day, and take part in the activities of the community. All this has happened really quickly and naturally and is great. But there is something else which truly bothers me - rows with my wife and anger that we both feel. Sometimes this happens immediately after we have partaken of the Holy Communion, usually over a petty thing which then becomes a major obstacle. We make up and patch our differences until the following Sunday, receiving the Communion with our hearts cleansed anew, whereupon we go back to arguing and quarreling. Of course, I think this is not my fault, but am not skillful enough to prevent a new argument from happening. I do not wish to see a priest and tell him all this and do not know how to deal with the problem. I pray to the Saints, they do help, but many a time I have no wish even to pray for the peace in the household, I get so exhausted. If I do not forgive my wife, how can I go to confession with such a burden? Father, please pray for us in the name of Christ! Give us some advice what to do.

Why don't you want to go to a priest? That IS his job. Of course, you don't need to mention all the petty arguments, but you should seek his advice. What did you think? Yes, you started the church life but have not exactly become angels yet. The passions are still there and you ought to fight them. We work on our salvation through troubles sent to us. Not only do you have to pray for the peace in the household, you should also calm yourselves becoming humble, and learn how to tolerate and forgive each other. The peace will then come.

St. John Climacus taught: “He who sees the passion ruling him, should primarily arm himself well, especially if it is a ‘domestic enemy’; for if we do not fight this passion, the victory over all others will be of no use; to win over this Egyptian means we shall see God humbly in the Burning Bush.” What does this phrase ‘a domestic enemy’ mean? Is this meant for monks or laypeople as well? For example, I’m a layperson and don’t know how to fight this particular vice but have managed to conquer others, how come there is no effect in this?

I think ‘a domestic enemy’ is the one we got used to and consider it to be ‘our own’. As long as there is such enemy, there is no victory. He can, at any given moment, open the door to other enemies or stab us in the back. The same goes for a passion. It has become so domestic, that it is no longer considered to be the passion. Try to live according to what your conscience tells you, be on constant vigil, confess frequently and seek God’s help. In this way you will get to know your ‘domestic enemy’.

My husband and I would like to get married in the Valaam monastery. Who do we need to contact about this?

No, you can’t get married in the monastery. You should do this in your parish.

The situation in my immediate as well as extended family is very complex. There was the time when one part of the family cursed the other in ignorance and now the family has split and do not want to know about each other, they either hate each other or are simply indifferent; my own father and best man are like this. This is then reflected in the way the family and its posterity live, having troubles, diseases, no love, no cosy home, no children…..What can I do to make my life and lives of all people around me easier? Who to pray to? And what can I do to help our family survive? I tried to make contacts half a year ago, but envy is obviously too strong …..

St. Serafim said: ‘Gain peace and thousands around you will be saved.’ In the same manner, you should also try to gain this spirit of peace, however small it may be. If you approach people with love, they will turn to you and God will answer your prayers.

God answers quickly to some petty and unnecessary needs but ignores the things which we consider of paramount importance. Are we allowed to insist upon what we want during our prayer? I’m in a vicious cycle. I pray for something first, then become disappointed I’m not getting it, then I stop praying… After a while, I try again but no success….

It depends on what you are praying for. Perhaps the Lord is teaching you this way to become humble as well as firm in your prayers, and persevere. On the other hand, it may be that you pray for something which is not pleasing to God because He has another idea of what you need. Or, you simply wish that ‘ thy will be done’ in which case you just need to work on your humility and gain peace.

Can we find someone in a monastery?

If a man has decided to join a monastery, it is his conscious wish to cut off ties with family and relatives. It is his right to do so. We do not give details about who lives in the monastery.

Can you please explain the following words of Avva Dorotey: ‘ Even if a passion troubles you, pay no attention, this is an unreasonable act of pride showing we do not know the state of our hearts while we try to avoid efforts, as the holy fathers said. Thus we do not succeed in what we set out to do because we do not know our limits and have no patience to endure what we should do to the very end and moreover, want to gain virtue without any effort. What does a man with passions admire when the passions start to bother him? Why be confused? You created it, it is inside of you and you are now bewildered by it, asking yourself why it bothers you. Suffer a little, go through ascetic struggles and pray to God. It just can’t be that the person who had such passion did not also have troubles’. I know that other Holy Fathers also advised on not being confused by thoughts, but find it hard not to be confused because of passions. What does it mean “to have passions and troubles because of them?”

Of course, one shouldn’t carry on with passions. One should try and become humble in the face of his own infirmity and not sin. Why does a man become confused when he realizes he has a passion? Because of pride, for it is hard to admit to oneself the existence of such passion. Whenever one realizes it’s there, one shouldn’t be puzzled. Of course you should fight the passions.

Would you please clarify this particular point about the sacrament of Holy Unction? I am just reading about it and preparing myself for it. I’ve heard a priest say that it is necessary to receive a Holy Communion in the next three days. Is this so?

It is not necessary but is highly desirable.

How can a person remember God all the time but not through a prayer? How can I as a layperson survive in this turmoil of life without calling upon the name of God? The Jesus prayer sanctifies thoughts. And my thoughts are empty, vain, and full of anger and lust. The Lord sees them, of course. What should I do?

No one says you shouldn’t pray. The unceasing prayer, the sanctity of mind etc is the top of the ladder. This is for the perfect ones. And you yourself wish to step from the lowest to the highest rung, just like that? Well, impossible I’m afraid. You should climb gradually and that involves obeying commandments, efforts, endurance and most of all, humility. At this stage you can’t be rid of thoughts but you can try to become meek. Become humble, not towards a sin, but your own infirmity. You should also realize that you can’t fight these on your own but with God’s Grace and help.